her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
