Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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