he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
