so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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