my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize