my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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