i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
