I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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