Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
