My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
