I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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