Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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