you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
