i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
