I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
