i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
