It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
