Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
