Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
