Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize