I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
