we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
