you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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