Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
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