This is not my ceiling
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
