A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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