If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
