I accidentally had phone sex last night
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
