I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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