he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
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