so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
