Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
