ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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