Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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