take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
