after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
