Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
