My friends, they love my intelligence
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
