idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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