1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
