im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
