I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
