I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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