Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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