at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
