omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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