after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
