I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
