Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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