I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
