Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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