Betty ford says i'm here all night
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
