Are we in a gay sports bar?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
