He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Randomize
