strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
