While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
