my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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