Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
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