Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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