The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
