being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
