drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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