i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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