He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
