my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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