This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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